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Showing posts from November, 2016

Roller Coaster

The past week and a half has been one huge roller coaster ride of emotions. One minute I am doing okay, resting assured that my son is in the best care possible and the next moment I'm a sobbing heap of a mess, missing him so much I feel like I'm going to suffocate. I'm torn between wanting to be at the hospital 24/7, and being home with my daughter. I don't want this to confuse or scare her. I just want my son and my daughter both at home, with me. On top of the sadness there is a tremendous amount of guilt. Am I doing the right things? Making the right choices? Is what I'm doing today going to help or harm my children in the future? I know these are questions all parents have, but I've never felt so much pressure to get it right.

This week we found out that baby Jace tested positive for CMV. We always knew that was a possibility but having it confirmed is a completely different ballgame. Because now we have to make choices. To keep him on the antiviral medica…

Jace Michael Lance Bonura

It's been 3 days since our world was completely flipped upside down. To say that this was unexpected is an extreme understatement. Since I was 18 weeks pregnant, and I first started feeling the baby move, he/she was very active. I never really had to worry about if the baby was okay because the movement was constant. There were certain times where the baby was more active than others, and one of those times was during my daily nap-time with Scarlett. Baby would always move after I ate lunch and laid down to nap, it never failed. On this past Wednesday, November 16, I noticed that there wasn't as much movement but I thought maybe my big lunch had made the baby sleepy. But as the evening went on I still didn't feel the usual amount of movement, which is a big deal because evening time was always another time that I could count on a lot of action. So I mentioned it to Jace and we both just thought maybe the baby was having a lazy day. But it was still in the back of my mind. …