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Life So Far As A NICU Mom

In my last blog entry I wrote about my concerns regarding the antiviral medicine that Jace is on. Since then I've had the privilege of talking to two neonatologists. One was Jace's neonatologist, who I had already spoken with about my concerns. And the other is the mom of a friend of mine. I had asked my friend to share my blog with her mom, and to let me know what her mom thought. Not even half a day later, I was on the phone with her mom who is a wonderful, extremely knowledgeable, neonatologist all the way in sunny California. It was such a blessing and a favor I'll never forget. She immediately calmed me and put me at ease. She reassured me that my reaction was normal, that even though this is something that she and other neonatologists see every day, that this is something that *I* don't see every day and I was doing the right thing by making sure I understood exactly what was being done to my son and why.

After speaking with her and feeling a lot more calm, I was…

Roller Coaster

The past week and a half has been one huge roller coaster ride of emotions. One minute I am doing okay, resting assured that my son is in the best care possible and the next moment I'm a sobbing heap of a mess, missing him so much I feel like I'm going to suffocate. I'm torn between wanting to be at the hospital 24/7, and being home with my daughter. I don't want this to confuse or scare her. I just want my son and my daughter both at home, with me. On top of the sadness there is a tremendous amount of guilt. Am I doing the right things? Making the right choices? Is what I'm doing today going to help or harm my children in the future? I know these are questions all parents have, but I've never felt so much pressure to get it right.

This week we found out that baby Jace tested positive for CMV. We always knew that was a possibility but having it confirmed is a completely different ballgame. Because now we have to make choices. To keep him on the antiviral medica…

Jace Michael Lance Bonura

It's been 3 days since our world was completely flipped upside down. To say that this was unexpected is an extreme understatement. Since I was 18 weeks pregnant, and I first started feeling the baby move, he/she was very active. I never really had to worry about if the baby was okay because the movement was constant. There were certain times where the baby was more active than others, and one of those times was during my daily nap-time with Scarlett. Baby would always move after I ate lunch and laid down to nap, it never failed. On this past Wednesday, November 16, I noticed that there wasn't as much movement but I thought maybe my big lunch had made the baby sleepy. But as the evening went on I still didn't feel the usual amount of movement, which is a big deal because evening time was always another time that I could count on a lot of action. So I mentioned it to Jace and we both just thought maybe the baby was having a lazy day. But it was still in the back of my mind. …

Only Three More Months!!!

I really cannot believe that I am less than a week away from being in my third trimester! This pregnancy has truly gone by so fast. I feel like my pregnancy with Scarlett did not fly by like this one has. Maybe its because with this pregnancy, I am so busy with Scarlett that the days just go by that much faster? Who knows the reasoning but I am happy/sad about it. Happy because I cannot wait to meet our baby boy or girl, but also sad because I loveeeee being pregnant. I really do.

I am also nervous about labor and delivery. For those of you who have followed this blog for awhile you will probably recall that with Scarlett I had a natural, drug-free birth. It was painful, of course, but sooooo amazing. It was easy to be blinded by the pain in the moment, but looking back I really wouldn't have it any other way. The only difference this time around is that this time, I know what it will be like. I know how the pain feels. So there is that nervous anticipation of being in that kind o…

Validation!

It feels so good to trust in God. It also feels good that once you have made a decision to trust in your faith, to be almost instantly validated in that decision. On Monday I received a call from Dr. Newman. He wanted to go over a few more things with me that he had discussed with other Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) and Infectious Disease experts. Dr. Newman has really done so much for me and this pregnancy, that I hope he knows how thankful I am. He has reached out to these experts and has come to the same conclusion that my husband and I have, basically. 
Dr. Newman told me so many things, and I am going to try and cover all of those things as efficiently as I can. So one of the first things he told me was that the studies that have been done on CMV have been "small" or "under-powered" studies. When the medical world classifies a study as "under-powered", what they are basically saying is that the test group was not big and that *maybe* had the test bee…

Results

On Friday I received the results from my blood work, and it turns out that this is a primary infection. Meaning that this is the first time I have come in contact with the virus. Which is the scenario we were hoping to avoid. So where do we go from here? There are only two choices, really.

The first choice would be to get an amniocentesis (amnio). Which is where a needle is inserted into the amniotic fluid, and then they would test to see whether or not the virus has been passed to the baby. Because remember, just because I have the virus doesn't necessarily mean it was passed to the baby. With a primary infection the chances are much, much higher that the baby would be infected, but it is not 100% certain. If the amnio came back that the baby was infected, there isn't much we can do except monitor the baby via lots of ultrasounds. If the amnio came back that the baby was not infected, there are treatments that I could use that would help prevent the virus from spreading to th…

Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright

In my last blog entry, I told you guys all about CMV, the risks and what it meant for me. Since then I have gone in for blood work and for my ultrasound with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor (MFM). I still do not have the results of the blood work, I was told that it could take several weeks to get those back, but I did have my ultrasound appointment with the MFM Doctor yesterday. And it went very well.

The MFM Doctor was very pleased that we had already taken action and that I had already been to an Infectious Disease Specialist and that the Avidity test results were pending. Then he went into his spiel on CMV, and reiterated everything that my husband and I had been told by my doctor and the Specialist we went to beforehand. While CMV is scary, it is comforting to be told the same thing by several Specialists. It lets me know that they know what they're doing and that I am not being jerked around.

So anyway, the ultrasound was very detailed and thankfully, the Ultrasound Tech an…

I Have Never Heard of This Before

Cytomegalovirus. Otherwise known as CMV. Before a few weeks ago, I had never heard of it. Now it is all I can think about. By definition, CMV is a common virus that can infect almost anyone. Most people don't even know that they have CMV because it rarely causes any symptoms. Once infected with CMV, your body retains the virus for life. It usually is not a cause for concern. Unless, of course, you are pregnant. Which I just happen to be. 
This all came about because in early June my husband wasn't feeling well. He was feeling weak/flu like. Our daughter had just been sick at the end of May, so we thought maybe he had caught that. But after this feeling lingered for over a week, he decided to make an appointment. And after several rounds of blood work, it was determined that he had CMV. His doctor prescribed him some over-the-counter vitamins and basically told him he was fine. But his doctor mentioned that *I* should tell my doctor about my husband having the virus. Ironically…

Turns Out, I Really Need To Chill

Hey y'all! I was able to get an appointment for an ultrasound yesterday (Wednesday June 15). As I said in my last post, my plan was to call my doctor and beg for an ultrasound because I was legit worried that I was having another missed miscarriage. And I had no other reason for feeling this other than the fact that all of my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared. Where I was feeling extreme fatigue just last week, over the weekend it just disappeared and it really freaked me out. And in typical Laura fashion, I automatically feared the worst. I started to look more into things and started to tell myself that I really hadn't felt pregnant since our trip to Houston over Memorial Day weekend, and that I needed to have this ultrasound. So when I called on Monday I was relentless and wouldn't take no for an answer. And let me tell you, it's easy to do this over the phone. Not so easy in person. 
When the Ultrasound Tech called me back to her room, and started looking through …

No Wine For Me

I am positive that God has a sense of humor. So, it turns out that there will be no more wine for me. Well, at least not for the next 7-ish months. Remember in my last blog I told y'all how I went in for a fertility appointment on a Tuesday, and that my husband and I were told to have sex the night before the appointment? Well, that is the night we got pregnant. Go freaking figure. Dr. Lucky Lu strikes again. Even though I wasn't on any fertility medication, and we didn't get pregnant via any sort of fertility procedure, I am still thanking Dr. Lu. Why, might you ask? Well, he is the one who told us to have sex that Monday before the appointment. And maybe, without his direction we would have had sex anyway. We are husband and wife. But we just have easily could not have. All I know is that we made SURE that we had intercourse that night because you do what your doctor tells you to. And the rest is history. Or rather, biology.
I am not only thanking Dr. Lu, but I am also t…

Hey, At Least There Is Wine

On Tuesday of this week I had my appointment with Dr. Lu. If you'll remember, several things were supposed to happen at this appointment. Those things were: an ultrasound, blood work, and a PCT (post coital test). Two of those three things happened.

The first thing we did when I got there was the blood work. They took two vials of blood so that they could determine my levels for several different hormones. The second thing that happened was that I went in a separate room for the ultrasound. This is where we discovered some pretty important things. First, we discovered that the lining of my uterus is very good. Perfect for implantation. So, A+ for my uterine lining. Then we discovered that there was no dominant follicle. This is where I got a D. Ugh, you guys. This is all so aggravating. The discovery of no dominant follicle is not the best news considering the Cycle Day that I was on for this appointment. I will explain why in a minute.
After the ultrasound, I went into Dr. Lu'…

On The Road Again...

On Wednesday of this week, I had my fertility appointment with Dr. Lucky Lu (I really hope he doesn't mind me calling him this). I am sure he doesn't. He is a great doctor with a passion for what he does. And I cannot even begin to tell you guys how reassuring that is. I almost cannot put into words the way Dr. Lu puts me at ease. Just being in his office again made me feel more confident than I have been since my husband and I have starting trying for a baby again. Dr. Lu just has way of talking to you and remembering everything about you, even though it has been 3 years since we last saw each other. And I know that he has notes. But he makes you FEEL like he doesn't even need his notes. He just cares, plain and simple.

Exactly what I expected to happen, happened in the appointment. We discussed my history, and how I have had three spontaneous pregnancies, only one of which was successful. Just in case you all don't know, in the fertility world, spontaneous pregnancy …

Only Dead Fish Go With The Flow

If there is one thing I have learned since the very beginning of my baby-making journey it’s this: you have to be flexible. You have to be willing to go out of your comfort zone, and you have to be willing to be your own champion. No one is going to fight for your right to have a baby the way you will. So when you notice that something is up, you need to take action. Even when you would rather just ignore that little voice inside of your head telling you to just take the next step.

Back in February I told you all about this class that I was looking forward to taking. It was a class with a more "natural" approach to things. Well, I ended up not going. I talked with my husband about it and we came to the conclusion that we would try to get pregnant for a few more months on our own before seeking help. So I went online and purchased the Advanced Digital Ovulation Prediction Kit to use for my cycle in March. This advanced Ovulation Prediction Kit (OPK) is supposed to be bigger a…

Where Were We?

I feel like the majority of my blog posts now start with "wow, it has been so long since I wrote", and for that I apologize. Sometimes, I just struggle with what to write. I mean, I could come here and write about being a mom every day! But I am just not sure if that is what anyone wants to read. So, I stay away. I think a part of me is scared that someone struggling with fertility will come here and see my newest post, and if it is about how happy I am with being a mom, that they will be totally turned off. I guess I need to try and not look at it that way, because I do love to write and come here and "talk" to you guys!

So lets see... The last time I was here it was October. Lots has happened since then. Christmas has come and gone, and we are in a new year... I have a new job and am completely happy for the first time since my maternity leave was over. A part of me was always struggling since I had to return to work and be away from my daughter who I tried so ha…