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Showing posts from 2015

Some Things Will Never Change...

It is hard to believe that 3 years ago I started writing this blog. A lot of things have changed, but some things have stayed the same. One of the things that hasn’t quite changed is my quest to get pregnant. This time, I am trying to get pregnant with my second child, instead of my first. But the same fears are still there. The fear that I will not get pregnant. My husband and I have been actively trying to get pregnant since June. What I mean when I say actively is that I have been charting my periods and estimating when I am ovulating, and going from there. It has been 4 months, and still, no pregnancy. I was 7 days late for my last cycle. So you can imagine how I had my hopes up that I was pregnant. I took two tests during those 7 days and of course, they were both negative. I am a day late today. I took a test this morning, and it too, was negative. You guys, I really do not want to go through this again. I know that I am SO lucky to be a mommy. And I do not for one second want to…

Can You Believe It Has Been 10 Years?

Hello, Readers! As some of you may know, I am from the great state of Louisiana. Born and raised. Proud of it. So by default, I lived through Hurricane Katrina. And as Chris Rose once said, “Everybody here has a story. New Orleans was always a place where people talked too much even if they had nothing to say. Now everyone's got something to say.” And with the 10th Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina upon us, I have something to say. Below is my story of Hurricane Katrina. Its long y'all, so grab yourself a bag of Zapp's Crawtators and make yourself comfortable...

Tomorrow, August 29, 2015, is the 10th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. It is a pretty big deal right now, everyone here is talking about it and all of the local news stations are running 10th Anniversary specials. And it really just depresses me. I definitely have PTSD when it comes to hurricanes now. Before Katrina, we would have "hurricane parties" and have fun because school was almost always cancelle…

Summer Time Means Pool Time

I had the day off of work for the Friday of Memorial Day weekend. I ran some errands with Scarlett and when we turned into our neighborhood, I noticed that the pool wasn’t too packed and thought “it would be so fun to take Scarlett while it’s not too busy”. Immediately following that thought was: “but all I have are bikini swimsuits and I will NOT look good in a two-piece”. So we got home and I went about unpacking all of my shopping goods. But I kept having this nagging feeling. Like, I have the WHOLE day off with Scarlett. It is a beautiful day. And sure, she is a baby and wouldn't know the difference if we stayed in all day or not. All she knows is that she is in the company of her mommy and life is good. But I knew better. I knew that we should do something fun together.
So I texted my husband and shared my thoughts with him and asked if he would be okay if I took Scarlett to the pool for her first time without him. I told him how I was feeling about my body and how I was insec…

Working Mom - Part 2

Back in February I wrote about how I was having a hard time going back to work full time. I explained (complained) about how I was working long hours and that by the time I got home in the evenings, I basically only had time to hold Scarlett for a little while, bathe her, and put her to bed. Things never really got much better. 

When I wrote that blog post back in February I really struggled with whether or not I should share it. I didn't want to come across as a complainer, especially because I knew I had so much to be thankful for. But, the spirit moved me and I posted it anyway. And I am so glad I did. 
Because I did, I received advice from an amazing woman (you know who you are). Ever since that blog post she's been my mentor and helped me to see the bigger picture and helped me to form a plan to get me out of the situation I was in. 
And so last week I was able to resign from a job that just wasn't meant for me. From day one I wasn't happy, and it was more than me…

I Am Morbid

Being a mother will without a doubt be the most incredible and terrifying thing I will ever do. If these past 7 months have taught me anything, it's that. Before I was a mom, there were certain things that I feared. The fears I have as a mother are nothing compared to the fears I had pre-motherhood. 

Before motherhood, I feared the normal things: Dying. Losing my spouse, my parents, my siblings. Losing a friend. Losing a pet. Losing a job. When I was pregnant I feared losing the pregnancy. I worried that my baby would be born with the cord around its neck. I worried constantly. I foolishly thought that once the baby was here, safe in my arms, that my worries would be limited. Boy, was I wrong. 
Now that Scarlett is here I still have all the fears I mentioned above, but I also have two new fears that I often think about. 
The first fear is of me dying. I mentioned that as a fear I had before motherhood, but it was different then. When I feared death then, it was more because of the…

Working Mom

When I first went back to work I knew it would be hard. I knew it would take some adjustment. I received some great advice on how to transition back into a working schedule and was told that it gets easier. Well, I'm about a month in and it hasn't gotten easier yet. Some days are better than others but overall I can't help but feel such a profound sense of sadness. Sadness that I'll never get these days back. My baby is growing and getting so big, and I'm not there for it. I'm gone 11 hours out of the day, 5 days a week. In case you can't tell, today is one of the bad days. I cried when I went to wake up my daughter from her peaceful slumber. I cried because letting her sleep as late as possible means I get zero time to really hold and snuggle her. I change her diaper, strap her into her car seat, and we are out the door. I hate having to leave her. It just isn't fair. 

Now I know in a lot of respects I'm one of the lucky ones. I have a job. I have …