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Showing posts from 2013

That Moment When...

I am at my desk at work and I opened one of my file cabinets and I came across an unused pregnancy test. From last month. From last month when my period was over a week late and I was convinced that I was knocked up. That's an odd moment. I had completely forgotten about that test since I used the other stick in the box and it came back as negative. What a bummer.

It's been awhile since I've written because there isn't much to update about. We have my husband's next sperm analysis in January, so we are just trucking along, living life per our usual routines. Hoping for the best, (that we will get pregnant on our own before January) but preparing for the worst (that we won't get pregnant before January). And we aren't too stressed about it. I think.

Or maybe we are, and we are both really good at hiding it. That's probably very likely, actually. If my reactions to my negative pregnancy tests last month are any indication, I am seriously STRESSED. I had t…

Swim Baby, Swim

Today was a good day. We had my husband's second appointment post surgery. At his last appointment we were told that his mobility wasn't that great. Well... It's improved, A LOT!! Hallelujah! His "score", if you will, was 131. It needs to be at 140 in order for my doctor to do what he has to do to get us knocked up. Y'all, this is the closest we have EVER BEEN to these kinds of results. Like I mentioned in my post from his first appointment, peak results usually aren't seen till 6-9 months post surgery. We are 5 months in and on the right track!

My husband has to continue to take all of his same vitamins and supplements and we will see his doctor again in January. I know just yesterday I said I didn't want to wait anymore, but that was when I was scared we wouldn't get good results. Now that we've seen improvement and the best analysis thus far, I'm excited! The surgery worked! The vitamins and supplements are working! What a relief!

Thank…

It's Been A Year

It's so crazy to me to think that it's been a little over a year since I started this blog. I'll never forget where I was the day I started writing this blog. It was October 5th, 2012 and I was laying in bed the day after I took a pregnancy test to determine if the insemination we had tried had worked. It hadn't. I'll never forget that feeling of complete hopelessness. I had been so HOPEFUL that the insemination would be successful. I remember calling in for work because I couldn't stop crying. I was angry and mad and had to channel that somehow. So, I started to write. And to think, here we are a full year later, and I'm still not pregnant. It's freaking frustrating.

Tomorrow my husband has yet another follow up appointment to see how his sperm quality has improved post his May surgery. It's been 5 months and I'm ready to get the show on the road. But I am scared to death about what tomorrow's analysis will tell us. Hopefully, things will h…

Time Is Ticking

Yesterday morning I was texting with one of my cousins. She was sending me all of these old school pictures of when we were younger, and we were reminiscing about the "good ole days". The days where you didn't have a care in the world, and you just LIVED. Man, I miss those days. While we were texting, something hit me like a ton of bricks... I'm going to be THIRTY in January. The big 3-0. I usually love celebrating my birthday because, lets be honest, that day is all about ME. And I love the attention. But this is one birthday I am on the fence about. On one hand, I can't wait till my birthday. I have no shame and have strongly hinted to my husband that if he can pull it off, I want a surprise party. Yeah, I know. You can't really ask for a surprise party because then it isn't really a surprise. But whatever. I just want him to get together all of my closest friends and family and I want to have one of those days like the "good ole days", and I …

More Mucinex, Please

Today, my husband had his first semen analysis post surgery. And, it was okay. Yes, just okay. Here are some of the main things tested during a semen analysis, the definition of the test, and my husband's results:

Volume. This is a measure of how much semen is present. ** My husband has always had a good volume.  Sperm count. This is a count of the number of sperm per milliliter. ** His numbers are good here too.  Morphology. This is a measure of the percentage of sperm that have a normal shape. ** The majority of my husband's sperm are normal shaped, and his percentage here has improved post surgery.  Sperm Motility. This is a measure of the percentage of sperm that can move forward normally. ** This is where we have some opportunity, and I will explain why in the next definition.  Liquefaction Time. Semen is a thick gel at the time of ejaculation and normally becomes liquid within 20 minutes of ejaculation. ** This is the area we are working on now. I will go into detail below:
M…

Getting Closer

Hello, all! It's been awhile! This summer has flown by and I can't believe that August is almost here! I am very excited to see the month of August upon us, because that is when we will have my husband's first sperm analysis since his surgery. I can't believe it has been over 2 months since his surgery, and I remember thinking back then that August seemed so far away.

With that all said, I am really nervous about this appointment. I am nervous that the results won't be up to par... And I am nervous that our doctor will tell us that he wants to give it more time, and do another analysis before "releasing" us back to my doctor or giving us the go-ahead to start trying naturally. I really want to have some answers and I'm scared of not getting any. I'm really freaking scared of the possibility that the surgery didn't improve anything and that we will be back to square one. Which is waiting till January when I will have my husband's insurance …

It's That Time Again

Well ladies and gentleman.... I just finished my cycle and am getting ready to once again embark on the Two Week Wait process! However, I am not getting my hopes up just yet. I explained in my last blog how sperm have a longer cycle then the eggs women produce. Us women ovulate and have a cycle every month. Sperm have a cycle of almost 3 months. So basically the sperm that are going to benefit from my husband's surgery aren't mature quite yet. So technically the chances of us getting pregnant right now are slim, but I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. Practice makes perfect! My plan is to start with the ovulation kits again and continue to use them until my husband has his next sperm analysis and we are given more direction.

His sperm analysis is in August. We will know then just how well the surgery worked. Three things can happen. The first thing would be that the surgery didn't work at all and my husband's sperm didn't improve, and the results ar…

Surgery Went Well!!

I'll start this off with the best news! My husband's surgery went well! Dr. Lanasa said that my husband did great and he can tell that he followed everything he told him to do. That's my baby!! I'm so proud of him! I know he was so nervous this morning. But I mean, who isn't nervous about going under anesthesia? I was extremely nervous too, but I just couldn't let it show and have it upset him more. I'm so relieved that he is out of surgery (he's awake in the recovery room as I type). I feel so blessed that he is okay! I spoke with Dr. Lanasa a few moments ago and here is the synopsis:

My husband can't drive for 5 days and he has some pain medicine to help with any discomfort he may have. He will have a 2 inch scar where they made the incision but it will heal within a few weeks and the best news is ---- he can have sex in about 5-7 days, or whenever he is ready. I thought we would have to wait much longer, and I'm so happy that I'll be able…

It's Almost Time....

Happy Monday, y'all! This week is going to be a great week, I can already tell. First off, I'm so excited that my husband is finally having his surgery this week. Thursday afternoon he goes in for his pre-op and Friday morning is his surgery. I can't describe how big of a deal this is. I almost feel as if *this* is our turning point. We have been through so much, and it has all led up to this. We have been trying for a child for over 3 years. We have lost two pregnancies and have suffered the let down of one failed insemination. We have both been to countless fertility appointments and have mulled over so many different fertility "game plans". We have both given every ounce of our blood, sweat and tears to try and have a child together. We have hit so many speed bumps along the way and I truly feel that this surgery may be the answer to both of our prayers.

Every option that we have tried so far always brought us back to square one. I feel that with this surgery,…

Well Hello There Strangers!

Y'all, I can't believe that it's been almost a month since I last wrote to you! Time flies when you're having fun. Or rather, when there's nothing to write about! My hubby and I are patiently waiting for his surgery at the end of May. It cannot come soon enough! So there hasn't been much on the fertility front to write about! It's so weird how when you aren't in the muck of it all, how your focus changes. 
Instead of being solely focused on making a baby, I have been focused on other areas of my life as well. I wish I could say one of those was weight loss. Ha! Remember how I said this "break" would give me more time to lose weight and become more healthy? Well, I talk a big game! I have been eating better, and I go through phases where I get on a big workout kick. But for the most part, I haven't been trying too hard. I have, however, become more spiritual during all of this. That is one area that I am becoming more and more focused on. …

A Date Is Set!

Well my friends! Start saying some prayers for us! My husband goes in at the end of May for his surgery. The date is booked, and we are ready. Or, as ready as we will ever be. Even though this surgery is an outpatient procedure, it's still nerve wracking! This surgery could possibly be to answer to all of our prayers. This surgery can possibly allow us to get pregnant naturally. That is such a big deal. Ever since all of this has happened, I always thought that we were going to have to pursue some kind of ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) to get pregnant. I thought that getting pregnant through the natural act of sex was out of the picture. I'm glad that its now an option again! Obviously my husband's doctor cannot guarantee that we still won't need to use some sort of fertility treatment, but he is so optimistic of the outcome of this surgery. And we are too!

Now, I need to admit something. Lately I have been having this horrible feeling. This feeling that I may …

I'm Not Giving Up

This is going to be a long post y'all. Bear with me:

Today was not a good day. I mean, it started off okay. But the crappiness started off around 11:00am when I got a call from Freedom Fertility Pharmacy (FFP). I was told by my insurance rep that my plan covered for Follistim (injections to prepare my body for the insemination) as long as all the prescriptions went through FFP. Well, this morning FFP called me because my insurance was giving them the run-around telling them they had to go through MedCo for all my fertility prescriptions. Which is not the case. I have had plenty of fertility prescriptions filled and I know that my prescriptions go through my medical coverage. This is not my first walk in the park. Any way. FFP said they were working on it, but wanted to give me a heads up with what was going on, especially since this is so time sensitive and my prescriptions need to be shipped overnight so I can start taking them tomorrow, per Dr. Lu's orders. FFP said sometime…

Goodbye Cher, Hello Follistim!

I am happy to announce that Cher (aka the cyst) and I are officially over. Yep, the birth control Dr. Lu prescribed me worked and Cher is gone! Yayyy! In today's ultrasound we saw that not only is Cher completely dunzo, we also saw that everything else looks great. My left ovary looks good. My lining looks good. We are ready to move on to the next step!

Dr. Lu and I had a great discussion today after my ultrasound. Since my husband's blood work all came back negative for antibodies, Dr. Lu feels very strongly that we should give IUI (insemination) a shot. We will be using an injection called Follistim. Follistim is a hormone that regulates ovulation. So when you are given the shot to take, it stimulates egg development. The higher the dosage, the more eggs you produce. Based off my poor history with Clomid, we are using a higher dose of Follistim. We are hoping to see 4-6 eggs. Wow, that is just cray. The chances of twins is around 25% using this form of treatment. I start the…

Too Blessed To Be Stressed

I just got home from visiting with my little "brother" and his new precious baby girl. Well... Technically he isn't my biological brother (hence the quotation marks around the word brother).... My dad and his mom were married when we were younger so he was my step brother. And then my dad and his mom divorced. But just because our parents divorced it didn't make him any less my brother. I love him and am so proud of the man, husband, and father he has become. Ok, thank y'all for letting me sidetrack a bit. Now, back to the moral of the story. :-)

So I just met the newest addition to my family. And she is so beautiful. And so little. And such a precious gift. And it got me thinking of all the other additions to my family. If you follow me on Instagram you have seen pictures of me holding numerous precious babies. If you didn't know me you'd probably wonder where the heck all these babies were coming from! And I'll tell you where - everyone around me is…

Surfing The Crimson Wave

On day 53, I started my menstrual cycle. Those of you who know me personally know that I affectionaly refer to my cycle as "surfing the crimson wave". This saying is circa 1995 from the movie Clueless. So with that being said, I'm naming my cyst "Cher". Yep, you heard me correctly. My cyst is still here. Cher is live and in living color and still attached to my right ovary. The Provera that Dr. Lu prescribed me kind of sort of worked. Meaning that it jump started my period. But it did not suppress Cher (aka, the cyst).

I had an appointment today that confirmed that Cher is still an inch in size. The good news is there is no pain associated with her. The bad news is we cannot go forth with any fertility treatments until she is at least 15mm in size. I'm telling you, if its not one thing it's another! So Dr. Lu put me on birth control pills (Altavera) in hopes that they will shrink Cher (aka, the cyst). I have to take the birth control for 2 weeks and th…

The Music To My Heart

The other night I was watching BeyoncĂ©'s documentary and I had no idea that she too has miscarried. I wasn't prepared for her documentary to take such a personal turn for me. I knew there was a risk that I would cry while watching (because lets get real, I cry at everything). But I had seen the previews and knew her pregnancy with Blue would be documented, and I always cry when it comes to stuff like that. But when she dropped that bombshell, I had to press pause because the tears were just streaming down my face. I knew what she had felt. And the way she expressed herself was just so real to me. In the documentary she commented how that was the most saddest thing she had ever been through, and that the first song she wrote for her album was a song based on her miscarriage. She commented how the song was the saddest song she has ever written. And it got me thinking about all the other songs that are out there that are directly or indirectly about miscarriage. And how they can …

Son of a Cyst

Well folks, the verdict is in and I do indeed have a cyst. She (we will refer to my cyst as a girl) is on my right ovary and is an inch in size. So she is a pretty decent sized cyst. She's been lingering around for awhile, and I guess I'm just lucky there was no pain associated with her. Thankfully, all of my blood work came back normal. Hormone levels are all fine, so yay for that. I am not miraculously pregnant, so boo for that. I was able to ask a ton of questions and had everything answered, and I am very grateful for that. I had a lot on my mind and finally feel at ease.

I started on the Provera last night. Provera is the pill they initially prescribed me to induce my period and suppress the cyst. Now that I have confirmed the cyst, and know that I am not pregnant, I feel a lot better taking the medicine. So what I'll do is take the pill for the full 7 days. My period should start within 3-6 days after taking the last pill. If my period starts while taking the pill, I…

Periods and Psychics and IUI's, Oh My!!

Aunt Flow is late. 13 days late, to be exact. I've taken four pregnancy tests and they were all a BFN (Big Fat Negative). This is so annoying. Before my first miscarriage my cycles were like clock work. Every 28 days. I could count on it. Since then it's been sporadic. I will go months having my normal, 28 day cycles and then I'll have several months where my periods are late or I'll have multiple cycles in a month's time. This is the latest my period has ever been, and at first I'm certain that I'm *just* late. I don't look too much into it, and I don't fool myself into hoping that I might be pregnant. I have no pregnancy symptoms. For my first two pregnancies I had all the textbook symptoms: fatigue, sore breasts, nausea... And even though every pregnancy is different, I wasn't allowing myself to get too excited. But then once I hit that 10th day mark of being late, I can't help but wonder. Maybe, just maybe I am pregnant.

So yesterday I c…

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Happy Friday, y'all! So my last blog was about how we needed to find out more about my husband's insurance in order to make a decision on how long we wanted to wait. So this past Monday my husband and I called his insurance together and found out a lot of great information. So, here it is:

I cannot be added to my husband's insurance until October 30. And then the coverage does not begin until January 1, 2014. Which sucks. However, there is a bright side. I am a glass half full kind of person, even if that news did make me upset initially. We found out that I could keep my insurance through my employer, and add my husband's insurance as secondary insurance. I was under the impression that if you worked for a big corporation (like both me and my husband do) that you could not do that. Thankfully, I was wrong. So what that means is we can use my insurance until it reaches the $5,000 lifetime max for fertility and then my husband's insurance would kick in and pick up t…

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back...

So I have some good news and some bad news. Okay, maybe it is not bad news per say... But it does have the potential to change the game a little. So how about I give you all the good news first? The good news is that we got the results from my husband's blood work today. All of his testosterone levels look fine! Yay! And, he tested negative for antibodies. Which is also good because if you remember, testing positive for antibodies means you have a whole other set of issues that the sperm in your body is fighting. So there is the good news. Now for the setback....

Remember how I told y'all on my last post that my insurance covers for fertility? Well, it still does... But I found out it only covers to an extent. I have a lifetime maximum of $5,000 for fertility treatments. Which means that while my insurance does cover for fertility, once they pay $5,000 towards any fertility treatment they will not pay any more and we are then responsible for the rest. And like I mentioned bef…

Great News!

Hey y'all! If you remember from my last update, my hubby has an appointment next week for some blood work. Well, last week my doctor (Dr. Lu) called me and said he saw my hubby's results from Dr. Lanasa and that he wanted to talk with us. So we set an appointment for today. Of course, I was sooooo nervous wondering what this appointment could be about. Usually I am seeking the doctor, not the other way around. So I've waited all week and I'm happy to report that what Dr. Lu had to say is very encouraging and I *think* will be the answer to our prayers.
Dr. Lu told us he wanted to give us a few scenarios. He said that what he gathered from Dr. Lanasa's notes was that he's trying to make things a little more "better" for my husband (the taking of the vitamins and supplements) and that it was now up to him to tell us what we can do with that information.
Dr. Lu said that if all the vitamins and supplements don't change a single thing with my husband,…

Patience, My Dear

So we just got back from our second appointment for my husband. The appointment went pretty well and here is the summary of what we learned with this semen analysis:
#1 - My husband's sperm count is still stellar. He has a high volume of sperm, which is good.
#2 - His sperm mobility increased since our last visit. His doctor is attributing this to the over the counter vitamins he has been taking for the past 7 weeks.
#3 - We learned that when a man has the flu and a high fever, his sperm mobility is affected 10 weeks later. Which means sometime in March (since my husband had a 102.5 fever in early December) his sperm will have a lowered mobility. This, to us, was a crazy weird fact. Who knew??
#4 - Even though my husband's sperm mobility has increased, it is still not exactly where his doctor would like it to be.
#5 - Since his sperm mobility is not where we want it to be, he has to have blood work done in 2 weeks and he has to stay on all the over the counter vitamins he has…

Am I Weird??

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a blessed holiday season! I know I did! My holidays were spent with my amazing family and friends and I have a lot of precious memories from this year! Christmas was especially special because I was given one of the greatest gifts of all. My husband's nephew and his wife (a beautiful couple who I love very much) told us they are expecting a baby!! And at our family Christmas gathering, they extended the invitation for me to be their future child's godmother! To say I was honored would be an understatement! I was brought to tears and I am so excited to be such a big part of their growing family! Today they sent me an ultrasound picture of my future godchild and let me tell you, he or she is going to be SO loved!! So thank you both again for giving me the honor! I love you!

And now the reason behind the title of this entry today: A few weekends ago my stepgirls were over for our weekend with them and I was in the bathroom doing my make…