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Breaking Out Of The NICU and Breast Chronicles

I can't believe I haven't updated since Little Jace came home! Let me remedy that!

If y'all will remember, in the beginning Jace's doctors and my doctor told us to prepare for him to be in the NICU until my original due date, which was January 19. That would've meant 2 months in the NICU. Unimaginable. From the moment he was born, Jace was a fighter. He was off the ventilator and breathing on his own the day after he was born and his nose cannula (provided his oxygen), was taken out a week after birth. He tolerated his gavage (tube) feedings very well and increased the amount of breast milk he was getting almost daily. He passed both his vision and hearing tests the first time they were given to him. The only setbacks he ever faced were low white blood cell counts and low platelets. He had to have several platelet transfusions the first couple weeks of his life. But despite that, he never "looked" sick or acted sick. The only reason he was even screened fo…
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Life So Far As A NICU Mom

In my last blog entry I wrote about my concerns regarding the antiviral medicine that Jace is on. Since then I've had the privilege of talking to two neonatologists. One was Jace's neonatologist, who I had already spoken with about my concerns. And the other is the mom of a friend of mine. I had asked my friend to share my blog with her mom, and to let me know what her mom thought. Not even half a day later, I was on the phone with her mom who is a wonderful, extremely knowledgeable, neonatologist all the way in sunny California. It was such a blessing and a favor I'll never forget. She immediately calmed me and put me at ease. She reassured me that my reaction was normal, that even though this is something that she and other neonatologists see every day, that this is something that *I* don't see every day and I was doing the right thing by making sure I understood exactly what was being done to my son and why.

After speaking with her and feeling a lot more calm, I was…

Roller Coaster

The past week and a half has been one huge roller coaster ride of emotions. One minute I am doing okay, resting assured that my son is in the best care possible and the next moment I'm a sobbing heap of a mess, missing him so much I feel like I'm going to suffocate. I'm torn between wanting to be at the hospital 24/7, and being home with my daughter. I don't want this to confuse or scare her. I just want my son and my daughter both at home, with me. On top of the sadness there is a tremendous amount of guilt. Am I doing the right things? Making the right choices? Is what I'm doing today going to help or harm my children in the future? I know these are questions all parents have, but I've never felt so much pressure to get it right.

This week we found out that baby Jace tested positive for CMV. We always knew that was a possibility but having it confirmed is a completely different ballgame. Because now we have to make choices. To keep him on the antiviral medica…

Jace Michael Lance Bonura

It's been 3 days since our world was completely flipped upside down. To say that this was unexpected is an extreme understatement. Since I was 18 weeks pregnant, and I first started feeling the baby move, he/she was very active. I never really had to worry about if the baby was okay because the movement was constant. There were certain times where the baby was more active than others, and one of those times was during my daily nap-time with Scarlett. Baby would always move after I ate lunch and laid down to nap, it never failed. On this past Wednesday, November 16, I noticed that there wasn't as much movement but I thought maybe my big lunch had made the baby sleepy. But as the evening went on I still didn't feel the usual amount of movement, which is a big deal because evening time was always another time that I could count on a lot of action. So I mentioned it to Jace and we both just thought maybe the baby was having a lazy day. But it was still in the back of my mind. …

Only Three More Months!!!

I really cannot believe that I am less than a week away from being in my third trimester! This pregnancy has truly gone by so fast. I feel like my pregnancy with Scarlett did not fly by like this one has. Maybe its because with this pregnancy, I am so busy with Scarlett that the days just go by that much faster? Who knows the reasoning but I am happy/sad about it. Happy because I cannot wait to meet our baby boy or girl, but also sad because I loveeeee being pregnant. I really do.

I am also nervous about labor and delivery. For those of you who have followed this blog for awhile you will probably recall that with Scarlett I had a natural, drug-free birth. It was painful, of course, but sooooo amazing. It was easy to be blinded by the pain in the moment, but looking back I really wouldn't have it any other way. The only difference this time around is that this time, I know what it will be like. I know how the pain feels. So there is that nervous anticipation of being in that kind o…

Validation!

It feels so good to trust in God. It also feels good that once you have made a decision to trust in your faith, to be almost instantly validated in that decision. On Monday I received a call from Dr. Newman. He wanted to go over a few more things with me that he had discussed with other Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) and Infectious Disease experts. Dr. Newman has really done so much for me and this pregnancy, that I hope he knows how thankful I am. He has reached out to these experts and has come to the same conclusion that my husband and I have, basically. 
Dr. Newman told me so many things, and I am going to try and cover all of those things as efficiently as I can. So one of the first things he told me was that the studies that have been done on CMV have been "small" or "under-powered" studies. When the medical world classifies a study as "under-powered", what they are basically saying is that the test group was not big and that *maybe* had the test bee…

Results

On Friday I received the results from my blood work, and it turns out that this is a primary infection. Meaning that this is the first time I have come in contact with the virus. Which is the scenario we were hoping to avoid. So where do we go from here? There are only two choices, really.

The first choice would be to get an amniocentesis (amnio). Which is where a needle is inserted into the amniotic fluid, and then they would test to see whether or not the virus has been passed to the baby. Because remember, just because I have the virus doesn't necessarily mean it was passed to the baby. With a primary infection the chances are much, much higher that the baby would be infected, but it is not 100% certain. If the amnio came back that the baby was infected, there isn't much we can do except monitor the baby via lots of ultrasounds. If the amnio came back that the baby was not infected, there are treatments that I could use that would help prevent the virus from spreading to th…